People do not ask for help. There is this myth of the self-sufficient person who doesn't ask, doesn't need help. In fact, there has developed a stigma against those in society whose bootstraps were not enough. At the same time, there is an expectation that everyone will cooperate with certain social expectations, however unattainable, however unrealistic.
That is when someone shows up in my office, anxious and overwhelmed. The inability to adhere to someone else's expectations has become too much, and the result is not to review these expectations to see if they fit, but to feel inadequate and powerless. Some people respond to such pressures by rebelling, defying their own demons in some self-destructive way with the hope that they will escape. Some respond by ignoring the obvious, tiptoeing around the dead elephant in the middle of the room. Some blame everyone and everything but themselves.
That should be the moment when they reach out, turn to trusted friends and family, even look in the Yellow Pages. And sometimes people do.
But we have fallen prey to the medical model where we expect the problem to be solved in one quick, easy and obvious session. And, to paraphrase H.L. Mencken, the quick, easy and obvious answer tends to be wrong.
It is all right to admit that we are in need of help. Despite that wounded child inside so many that still cries for a parent to accept them, we are worthwhile. And sometimes we need a person who can help us to realize this
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