But Some Are more Equal Than Others...

In our society today, there is much energy being expended on the issue of inequality, especially the fact that many people (most, in fact) earn far less, have fewer resources, work in less-prestigious jobs than a smaller percentageof the population. This has led to demonstrations, occupations and much, much discussion. Yes, I am in sympathy with the young people who are involved in this movement, and I wish them the best (was something like what I did, back in the day.)
But there is some confusion here regarding the issue of equality; some folks who are in a position of authority are threatened by such talk. They have difficulty distinguishing the idea that all people are of equal value from the fact that some have greater knowledge, more academic credentials, broader life experience than others. A parent is of equal worth to any child, even though the parent has the authority to decide the best way of life for that child. A doctor may not be any better as a person than a given patient, even though that doctor has the ability to help that the patient might seek out. The judge is just as human and limited as any lawyer or defendant, even though one might rule legally on the other.
The confusion arises when someone with expertise in one area offends by condescension to a person in another area altogether. Yes, I have my areas of expertise, but that should not guarantee me deference in any other area, however strong my opinions or ardent my feelings in that area.
So does that mean that we should listen to all, give equal consideration regardless of their knowledge and understanding? Well, yes, with the common assumption that we are all equally aware of who is worth taking seriously and who is not. I hate the idea of giving the people I disagree with equal voice and time, but unless I know my opponent, I do not know what I am facing. It becomes like chasing a black cat in a dark room, and constantly crying, "Here it is! I have it!"
All people created equal: that is what we proclaim. It doesn't mean we should all be cookie-cutter-copies, nor that we pretend not to see differences. But it does mean that I am of the same worth as you, and you as me, regardless of what bank balance or job title we respectively have.

Who You Gonna Trust?

There was a time when it was obvious who the trustworthy were supposed to be: family, friends, religious and civic leaders, to name just a few. These were the people we counted on, those we were sure would never betray us or lead us astray. No one told us of the darker side of these people, and even should we catch a glimpse of "that man behind the curtain", we would still give them the benefit of the doubt.
Trust today has become an endangered aspect of life. In fact, the very people we used to trust well-nigh unconditionally are the same we now reject almost automatically. It seems that trust is a difficult load to carry, and tempting to take advantage of. The politicians we looked to as founts of wisdom are now seen as self-serving buffoons. The clergy we looked to for guidance are now seen as abusers. Doctors are seen as only out for the buck, not for the health of the patient. Teachers, community leaders, others we sought direction from, all are now seen as having some secret motive, some hidden agenda.
Granted, I am painting with a very broad brush. There are many, if not most, in each group who are sincere, competent people that deserve our trust and work hard to earn it. But the average person pays no attention to the exception to their personal rule; they (whoever they might be) are simply not to be trusted. And, unfortunately, there have more than enough instances to make us feel that our bias is valid.
The only solution to this conundrum is to trust. Otherwise, it becomes a problem preventing its own solution. We don't trust others, who therefore resort to the very behavior we didn't trust the for (because, after all, why not? they already don't trust!) and this confirms us in our decision not to trust. But if we would reclaim trust as important to our lives, we must take the risk. Trust is like a muscle: if you want to strengthen it, you must use it. And the only way to exercise is, uh, to trust!
This is not a quick solution; much water has gone under this particular bridge and change will come gradually. But there is another side to this. They must act in such a way as to prove trust worthy! Which might mean acting in the same way as they already do. But when people realize that it might be in their best interests to behave in a more trustworthy manner, they will seek to make the things they do more obvious.We sometimes don't trust people not because of what they do, but because of what we assume they might have done.
Please do not assume the above is only social commentary: one of the biggest issues couples bring into marital therapy is trust! It applies to couples, families, friends and neighbors.
Of course, there are those whose entire life is built around not trusting anybody. And there are those who should be treated with an excess of caution. But we cannot get anywhere in society if we assume such are the common breed around us. You can begin on the right path by trusting everything I just said.

Nobody Knows The Trouble I Seen

Sometimes when difficulty hits, we just can't seem to stop going over and over and over it no matter how painful it might be to review it one more time and how annoying it might be to our nearest and dearest to hear the same old thing. Sometimes we keep it to ourselves in a misguided attempt to prove our fortitude and an equally mistaken belief that no one would care anyway.  Sometimes we get stuck in that painful place and sometimes we try to run away from it.
One of the differences between men and women (flagrant generalization ahead!) is the way we share our problems and what we expect in return. Men (ahem! cough!) tend not to share their problems in what I call the John Wayne Syndrome ("Men don't cry, pilgrim! They bleed!") Or if there is any sharing, the expectation is that it will be a problem-solving session. The focus then, see, is not on the person in pain, but in the source of the pain, and what should be done about it. And make that solution as quick and concrete as possible, thank you very much. So it becomes external in nature, with little consideration of how this guy may have played a part in what happened.
Women, on the other hand, can be quite open about their pain, given the right confidante and the right opportunity. But they have a different expectation; they want someone to listen, to validate their feelings. They do not want someone to suggest what should be done about the problem, as that seems like rejection and dismissal of what they are going through. Guys, when your lady begins to tell you what hurts her, your best move is to shut up and let her tell you all about it. Don't try to solve the problem, unless she specifically asks you.
There can be a time for mutual problem-solving, but first there has to be the mutual openness and trust of sharing deeply. If a guy cam start at that level, it may be confusing, but it should be welcome.

I'll Only Tell You Kids Once!

First, my credentials: I have off-spring of my own. (They are of an age where it would be too condescending to call them "children" and too specific to limit them to "daughters.") So, yes, I have had experience being a parent. How good a parent, well...
The biggest issue I deal with in my practice is parent-child relationships. (Often, even with adults!) Many parents call me seeking a therapist with expertise in child psychology, or to make an appointment for a son or daughter, or help dealing with the impact of an out-of-control child. The problem came be as simple (!) as an adolescent who is behaving, well, like a teenager, or it can be as serious as a youngster who has some form of physical/emotional handicap. Whatever the precipitating crisis might be, the desire is the same: fix my kid!
Too often the problem stems from confusion over proper limits; sometimes one parent is very strict and the other parent very accepting. They cannot agree on the rules nor how one plays this game. And when there is only one parent involved due to divorce, death or distraction, then the problem becomes even greater; mom (it usually is mom) has to cover all the bases as well as umpire the game (sorry for all the baseball references, I have been watching the play-offs.)
It may seem simplistic, but here is a formula for dealing with discipline that may help. First, determine the absolutes. What are the laws of the land that must be followed? Too often, we parents have so many rules that the child can't keep track; it seems arbitrary and autocratic (which it might be in fact.) So the kid either gives up or becomes defiant. Guess which is most likely? So the best way we can avoid either keeping track of an ever-changing list or carrying on a familial guerrilla war is to narrow down what we expect.  These should be rules that both parents agree upon. Kids catch on very quickly which parent will tolerate what, if there is this division.
Make these rules as specific and concrete as possible: "clean up your room" is too general. Make your bed. Pick up your clothes. Vacuum regularly. The parent decides. And make it age-appropriate: an elementary-schooler cannot do quite as much as a teen-ager, nor should. Such rules need to be re-evaluated and re-negotiated regularly, so the child takes on responsibility as time goes by (as versus the other, commoner scenario where the parents give up or take on more and more themselves.)
And, in a crucial part of the discussion, what are the penalties if the child does not do these basic tasks? This is tricky, as modern parents tend to have very short attention spans. Being grounded for a week lasts until that night. Losing privileges is even trickier, as they need that computer for homework, and how does reach one's children if they do not have access to their cell-phones? Try to make it appropriate ("let the punishment fit the crime," remember?) and not overly severe. Just because the parent is angry, the child should not come away from a major infringement of the rules feeling treated unfairly.
As I said, this may simplistic and too easy. All I can say is, try it and see!