Adieu and Farewell

Two old Yankees are sitting in the back of a political  rally. This was the days before PA systems, and the speaker has a low voice. Finally, one of the old-timers turned to the other in frustration. "Whut's he sayin?" he asked. His compa triot leaned forward, straining to hear. Then he leaned back and turned. "He don't say!"
Many people with nothing to say still find much to talk about. That has been the biggest obstacle to writing this blog in an on-going way At first, it was a marvelous format for venting that had been lost when weekly sermons were no longer available. And it appealed to that inner child who enjoyed the attention, the showing off before others. But then I began to run into my own limits. Writing even a short blog takes time. I was constantly reminded how little I knew about so much. And I had little feedback, so the necessity of an audience became more and more obvious.
There is much recognition today of the importance of silence. People spend much time sitting in silence, go on silent retreats, encourage silence as the unanswerable argument. As I was told back in Vermont, it's better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and  remove all  doubt.
I have never been good at silence. Maybe it is time I found the wisdom of that Still, Small Voice. So this blog is going on hiatus. I appreciate those of you who read it (both of you) and wish you well. I reserve the right to speak up if there is some issue that demands a comment.
In the meantime, I will seek other ways to express myself.

Sticks and Stones

It seems that more and more people are coming forward with stories about being bullied in school, even the bullies themselves! Hesitating to participate in a mass movement that, lemming-like, doesn't accomplish much more than a communal purging, I nevertheless would tell my story of abuse.
My father was an ambitious man, and he was promoted over and over during his career. This resulted in my family moving many times in my childhood, sometimes staying in any one place only for a matter of months. We moved up and down the East Coast, and even overseas.
I was a quiet and bookish child, believe it or not, and made friends slowly and seldom simply because I never knew when we might move again. My classmates in the various schools I attended treated me as the outsider I was. My rapidly deteriorating eyesight made things worse, as I couldn't make up for my lack of social experience by any athletic skills.
Teachers in those days didn't know how to bring newcomers into the closed world of an elementary school. I can remember vividly one time when the class was to copy a picture from one of our classbooks. The teacher gathered these drawings and put them up for all the class to critique (presumably some sort of art lesson.) I am no artist, to be sure, but it quickly became obvious who was the class goat. As the teacher stood by, student after student picked out my picture- and mine alone!- to point out flaws.
Not until high school did I begin to fight back, futilely and franticly. Of course, I was disciplined when I reacted to the whispered teasing from the kid behind me in class by overturning his desk. Of course, I showed up at parties I thought I had been invited to only to find no party there. And we will not be distracted by talking about the young women who ignored me, denied any offer of a date, even plotted with my classmates to make me look ridiculous in public.
Two things saved me, and they are strangely linked: my faith and my acting. In my home church I found the acceptance I found nowhere else. And it was also there that I discovered an ability to act on stage, to transform into someone else.
That does not means the teasing, the nasty words, the rejection stopped. It took years before I came to terms with who I am, regardless of what others thought or said.
But it did leave me with this: because of all the hurts I have suffered, I can recognize and empathize with the hurts of others. Not that I would recommend that path to such a goal; As Mark Twain reported when he interviewed a man who had been tarred and feathered and ridden out of town on a rail: "If it weren't for the honor, I'd just as soon have walked."

Consensus Yes?

My friends in the Society of Friends (that's Quakers to you) have a way of deciding things called consensus. When one of their committees or boards seek a resolution to whatever, everyone there must agree with the decision. That means when even one person objects, won't go along, finds just one detail unacceptable, the group must keep seeking some common ground.  No voting, no majority rule, no compromise that pleases no one.
Even amongst some coummunity action groups that do not follow this practice, there is a tendency toward consensus. I have been in such meetings where someone who is otherwise sympathetic and cooperative, becomes an obstacle to getting something done. They may be highly idealistic, impatient with the dirty details sometimes necessary, or just having a bad day personally. The resulting group dynamic is the same, with people trying to placate, manipulate, or sometimes abdicate,  just refusing to play any more
This might give some insight to those amongst you who cannot understand the (ir)rationale behind what is happening, uh, not happening in Washington these days. We have a president who still draws on his time as a community organizer (and please spare me from right-wing screeds about ACORN or its ilk). He does at times fall into the role of assertive manager and head of the whole shebang, but most of the time  he seems to expecting that Congress will show the sort of openness and tolerance associated with reaching consensus. He honestly thinks the best of people!
So he offers various suggestions, not realizing that the people he is dealing with interpret such as a concession, not a move toward consensus. Open-mindedness is seen as empty-headedness 
But there are politicians today who will not (can not?) seek a common ground. Such might be seen as (gasp!)weakness. In our winner-take-all society, the very word bi-partisan has become a meaningless noise. So when someone takes a stand, there is no possibility of convincing that person to move from that place.
Granted, we are all separate and unique individuals. But when we insist on everyone doing things our way, there are some who will reject anything we suggest, no matter how valid (or crazy.)
We share more than we differ. Isn't time to consider consensus?