Never Face the Facts

That's what the sign says, hanging in my office: NEVER FACE THE FACTS. This is not meant as an affirmation of massive denial. Rather, it is an attempt to point people in the right direction.
We have a social obsession with making sure that our own point of view is supported by scientific, objective reality. I recently overheard a person who was telling everyone about some convoluted bizarre conspiracy theory (did you know that the 9/11 tragedies were caused by a secret U.S. government plot? neither did I) that this off-the-wall idea had been tested by several scientific groups. Now that I think of it, he didn't say what the results of those tests were...
The only real fact is that we have a hard time determining what the facts are. Back in 1997, Elizabeth Loftus and her students carried out more than 200 experiments to discover the etiology and prevalence of false memories, how they resemble real memories, and how to tell the difference. In these experiments, false memories were created in participants, using a variety of conditions. The result was called "imagination inflation." In another instance, two psychologists were able to so confuse participants they actually signed confessions for damage to a computer that never happened.
But even more than the inevitable subjectivity we face, there is the issue that we use "facts" as a way to avoid dealing with feelings. If we can distract the discussion to determining exactly who, where, when and how, we don't have to confront our feelings about the what. And sometimes these debates about factual details become talking more and more about less and less, whittling nothing down to a fine point.
But sometimes we need to give up this quest for factual certainty. Sure, if we are working in the sphere of law, which must decide by its very nature what is real and what is unreal, or if we are building a building and must dwell in the very embodiment of the material, it would be confusing at best to derogate factual details. The fact is, we live in a world that is factually slippery. Ask any police officer, and you will learn the unreliability of eyewitnesses.
Does that mean that we must resign ourselves to a world without certainty? It sounds like a nightmare, where nothing is solid. The point, however, is not to consign ourselves to trying to catch a black cat in a dark room (and not knowing for sure there is a cat there to begin with.) The point is to recognize the importance of our inner reality as much as the world around us. The spiritual, emotional, psychological reality is not bound by facts, but it has just as much importance.

Winning

Never mind what that possibly (probably?) disturbed television star may say, "winning" is not worthwhile. Regardless of what he may mean by that, which seems to have something to do with unrestrained self-gratification and attention, we have fallen into a mistaken notion that, as the sports media would tell us, winning isn't everything- it's the only thing!
We have confused capitalism with competition, and assumed that material accumulation equals self- worth. One misguided state representative in my ancestral state even went so far as to advocate that the weak, the physically or mentally disabled, the less-than-perfect, should be shoved off to our very own gulag. Regardless of how we heed our faith's dictums on caring for those in need, the urge of our society to turn our backs on those who do not have it as good as some is greater than ever before in the wake of an economy that has left more and more in need and  fewer and fewer with the willingness to help.
So what do I say to the low-income client in my office who is in anguish over the possibility (probability?) that her state aid might be cut, leaving her without a place to live? Or to the client who can only get the mental/physical help necessary through Medicaid or Medicare? Especially when others seem all too ready to shrug their shoulders and walk away, consoled with the rationale that government has saved a few dollars to spend on its most recent war?

Changes: No Such Thing As Normal

They want to be "normal." By which they mean, well, they aren't sure what they mean. Maybe like everyone else. No one else has problems. At least not problems like theirs. The image of the perfect, happy family they see on television haunts them like some unattainable dream. And everyone's friends are living "normal" lives.
The flaws we see writ large in our hearts do not seem to be valid for others. We are not as good-looking, smart, quick-witted, athletic or caring as someone else. We are more aware of our weaknesses than our strengths, anyway. What we are good at, that does not matter. It is the things we cannot do, don't know how to do that reinforce our own sense of not-good-enough.
Can we acknowledge that there is no such thing as "normal"? Actually, the only place "normal" shows up in God's creation is a setting on a washer or dryer. We cling to this standard not because it is a helpful or realistic goal, but because it keeps us from coming to terms with who/what/where we are right here and right now. If we could give up this meaningless quest for meaning and learn to find our meaning in the now, we would save ourselves a lot of suffering and useless effort.

Looking for Help

People do not ask for help. There is this myth of the self-sufficient person who doesn't ask, doesn't need help. In fact, there has developed a stigma against those in society whose bootstraps were not enough. At the same time, there is an expectation that everyone will cooperate with certain social expectations, however unattainable, however unrealistic.
That is when someone shows up in my office, anxious and overwhelmed. The inability to adhere to someone else's expectations has become too much, and the result is not to review these expectations to see if they fit, but to feel inadequate and powerless. Some people respond to such pressures by rebelling, defying their own demons in some self-destructive way with the hope that they will escape. Some respond by ignoring the obvious, tiptoeing around the dead elephant in the middle of the room. Some blame everyone and everything but themselves.
That should be the moment when they reach out, turn to trusted friends and family, even look in the Yellow Pages. And sometimes people do.
But we have fallen prey to the medical model where we expect the problem to be solved in one quick, easy and obvious session. And, to paraphrase H.L. Mencken, the quick, easy and obvious answer tends to be wrong.
It is all right to admit that we are in need of help. Despite that wounded child inside so many that still cries for a parent to accept them, we are worthwhile. And sometimes we need a person who can help us to realize this