Happily Ever After

It came to me while I was counseling with this wonderful gay couple. They have been together many years, and it is obvious they love each other and are committed to each other. Sure, they can drive each other crazy, but that can be the mark of a real relationship; the opposite of love is not hate, but apathy.
Still, they have chosen not to marry, even though it is legal in this state.
Yes, they have their reasons: if no marriage, no danger of divorce. Sure, there are pertinent legal reasons for making their long-standing commitment legal (if something happens to one, the other would not only lose a loved one, but all claim on inheritance- hell, he couldn't even visit him in the hospital!) but there are other ways around that- wills, insurance, so forth.
Still, they have made this decision, and I need to honor that. Even though I am a strong believer in marriage (and even though I am not gay), I think I can understand where they, and many other gay men and lesbian women (not to mention bisexuals and transgenders), are coming from.
When California passed that awful Prop. 8 against gay marriage, one of the largest groups voting for it were homosexuals. At the time I put it down to typical commitment-phobia. But then I realized that I was judging a group from my own perspective.
For a long time, gay couples may have been deeply committed to each other, but they had their own way of living that out. In fact, some gay couples stay together longer than straight couples (last statistic: almost one out of two heterosexual marriages; higher if a second or third.) But they have a way to make it work. Maybe we straights need to take a few hints?
It is human nature not to change something that works. So it should not be surprising if a whole subculture resists even a change that would seem in its best interests, a change it fights long and hard for and even begins to achieve.
I am not trying to be negative on gay marriage. In fact, if there is a Certain Someone in the audience, I hope she would take a hint! But the heterosexual community seems to sending a confusing message: you should be married/you shouldn't be married. And the gay community (which is not some monolithic group anyway) may hesitate to fix something they ain't sure is broken!