One Big Happy...

"But isn't every family somewhat dysfunctional?" she asked.
"Yes," I equivocated, "and no."
As Tolstoy pointed out, happy families may be all alike, but unhappy families are unhappy each in their own way. Even so, there are certain signs common to dysfunctional groups,  certain things that children growing up in such an environment learn, even if never explicitly taught.
First, don't  think!
 If we stop and consider things carefully,we quickly see that things don't make sense! Of course, it is well-nigh impossible to consider things carefully when all around is chaos.  But we continue on with the status quo not because it makes sense, but because, well, it's what we've always done. Decisions, choices, actions taken impulsively without trying to think things out, all become the usual way we do things.
Granted, there are some who spend a lot of time and mental energy analyzing things, whittling nothing down to a fine point. But such might also be avoiding thinking, as they become so fixated on minutiae that they completely ignore the larger issues (woods/trees, if you get my drift.) Also, if one small detail can seem to be understood, then the rest of the whole can be tolerated no matter how crazy it actually is. Still, above all, don't think!
Second, don't talk!
 If you were to discuss your home-life with someone outside the family, you'd quickly discover that not every family is like yours. In fact, if you told your teacher or pastor or some other authority figure you trust how you actually got those injuries, those bruises, that person is required to report potential child abuse to the police. It can be difficult to comprehend that yelling and insults and serious physical discipline don't happen in other families, because people brainwash themselves into thinking that everything is just fine, he/she didn't really mean it, besides I really deserved it.
A corollary to don't talk is: don't invite anyone to the house!
Unexpected guests might see the mess, might hear the abuse, might tell someone. So the family become an isolated fortress. If the children want  to see friends, they go to their place. If a spouse wants to see someone, they pick a neutral place like a mall or a coffee shop. Don't let anyone see.
And: don't feel!
It is not uncommon to know people who are out of touch with their feelings for a variety of reasons. But when you grow up with only two acceptable feelings (anger and fear), then you learn not to feel anything at all. 'Cause it hurts!
Also, expressing feelings is a way of showing individuation and self-esteem. Abusive families are threatened by both; example A: "You're crying? I'll show you how to cry!" 'Nother words, when someone is confused with their own emotional state, any other expression of emotions cannot be tolerated and  must be repressed instanter.
Please understand: many families go through hard times and come out the other side. But if you have been reading the above and nodding sadly in recognition, know that there are ways to deal with those old wounds .